Sometimes you just have to hang on in there and try your best to ride the storm. Batten down the hatches. Whether it’s in a relationship, following a team, delivering to deadlines, looking at your bank balance after Christmas or in an actual storm, resilience is an important quality. Noun: the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
This past year has been another one of extremes across the world - the climate, economy, poverty, politics, prices, reactions, counter-reactions. One thing highlighted recently is the inability of some folk to deal with defeat - illustrated perfectly by Faruk Koka, former president of MKE Ankaragucu FC who assaulted a referee when his team lost a match. Jeez Louise, have a word with yourself man! If you choose the right shoes, defeat is just another Christmas Cracker punchline, like where are The Andes? At the end of your armies.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the absolute pain and frustration when things don’t pan out how you want them to, after all I’m a fifty-something working class left-leaning peace-loving female brought up to follow England and NUFC football teams who voted Remain. And a Eurovision fan just to put a cherry on the icing on the cake of defeat. I get it! Sometimes it's best to take a few deep breaths, zip your gob, grab some Zen, remember the old adage “this too will pass” and hope to hell that tomorrow will be better. Lashing out will not ease the pain, only deepen it. Laughing is so much more effective - if you can keep a sense of humour even in the most extreme times of disappointment or anxiety that's half the battle - it really can help soothe the pain and get you through. If you can’t muster a laugh, or if it’s not appropriate under the circumstances then breathe deeply. Have a cup of tea, a biscuit and/or a lie down. Don’t be a Donald, spitting out your dummy and starting a riot.
So how do you build resilience in the first place? Perhaps it’s to do with keeping perspective and consciously or unconsciously separating out the really bad stuff from the things that just didn’t go the way you envisioned. Learning to live with a “no”. It’s also about having people in your network who you truly believe care and will offer support in those tough moments. The strength and hope of a team mentality. There have certainly been times when I’ve felt dejected, defeated, not heard, unhappy. The exam I didn’t pass (words can be so important - that word FAIL is a killer for pushing you into a dark place!), the things I didn’t get picked for (job interview/promotion/ party invitation/competition/tickets for a show - rejection is tough) or the worst case scenario playing out (from full relationship breakdown to heart-breaking loss) that’s the roller-coaster ride of life. In those moments my friends, close family and even relative strangers have one way or another helped me through. If you ever see someone in need of a smile, a hug or even just eye contact to communicate that they’re not alone in their moment of pain then you can be the difference and bring strength. If you’re the one that needs the smile or the nod then open up your heart and someone will be there. Guaranteed. Attitude is everything - within the sound of resilience.
I love that picture where you’ve got two very different sets of people on a fairground ride, some looking miserable as sin and others having a whale of a time. Pick which mindset you want to run with and never look back. To quote one of my brilliant relatives at yesterday’s Boxing Day gathering “Enjoy what’s left”. Whether that’s what’s left of Christmas, of 2024 or of something more permanent, never a wiser word was said.
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